Ambrosia (4 out of 10)
REALLY crispy. And the skin is not tough or bitter. So you'd think I'd be happy - picky little bugger that I am, right? Nope. All the pieces are in place here... all except taste. Sure, this apple is crunchy, but it's also flavorless. Too bad... this could have been a contenda.

Braeburn (8 out of 10)
This apple isn't crunchy, but it isn't soft. It isn't sweet, not not really tart. This is the "beige" of apples. Which means it's perfectly fine. It's fine, it's fine. It's not what I would want to eat given a choice, but it's fine. It's fine.
Update: This is a good as an apple can get. Crunchy, great size, good color. Sweet but not overly so. I guess I need to give this apple another try.

Cameo (8 out of 10)
It might be chartiable to call this apple "rustic". That means the ones I ate were spotted, marked, lopsided, with a rough sandpaper skin. But on the other hand, it was delicious. And large. Crunchy. Everything I want in the taste of an apple. Shame about that outer skin, tho...

Candy Crisp (3 out of 10)
Crisp, yes. Candy, no. In fact, I can’t remember eating a more bland flavorless apple this year. If it didn’t have a tough bitter outer skin than it wouldn’t have any taste at all. The only thing this apple gets points for is its gorgeous green color and big size. But I think this apple should be photographed more than eaten.

Cortland (9 out of 10)
My only criticism that these apples are smaller than the rest. They are so good I want a bit more! And I’m too full to eat two, and one is not enough, so I guess I’ll just have to keep my refrigerator stocked with these yummy things. I can’t even put caramel on them, their original taste is so good.

Crimson (8 out of 10)
The name is misleading, because the one I ate was half yellow and half crimson. But how tasty! REALLY crisp, maybe the hardest apple I have eaten so far. But sweet and flavorful. The skin was a bit too hard or this would be a top-ten apple for me.

Crispin (Mutsu) (4 out of 10)
Also knowns as a Mutsu, coming from Japan. It’s a cross of the Golden Delicious and the Japanese Indo… I guess it’s ok. Maybe I’m biased against yellow apples. The skin is bitter, but has a really crispy crunch. I bet you’d get a lot of juice out of these. But I was hoping for more. In this rare case, I missed the tang.
Update: Had another one and it was really sweet. The skin wasn't so bitter as the first one, and I really enjoyed it. Doubled the score from 3 to 6! Way to go, Mutsu...
Update: And then I had *another* one, and the score drops to 4. It had the bitter thick skin I remembered. Nice color though!

Elstar (8 out of 10)
A yellow apple, and usually that means DANGER for me. But man, this one was tasty. Really sweet and pretty to boot. Maybe the best yellow apple I've ever eaten by far. These are rare, and I never see them in store, which is a shame.

Empire (5 out of 10)
Really small. Really crunchy. Pretty color. But kind of "one note". The apple tastes sweet, but that's all there is. I don't like sour or tart apples, but there's gotta be *something* to make me come back again and again for another bite.

Envy (7 out of 10)
This is a good apple. Too bad it's not a *great* apple. On first bite, all the parts are there - a great color, good size, crisp snap. But then, there's... very little. It's like the model of the apple that it's trying to represent. I'll eat these again, but it's a shame: this apple is an also-ran, where it could have been a winna.

Eve (4 out of 10)
This is a weird little apple. It has a weird shape. But also a weird flavor. Like a SweeTart that isn't tart. There is such a strong sugar flavor without any other notes. Which doesn't make it *bad*... just kind of weird.

Fortune (6 out of 10)
The *largest* apple I have ever seen! Seriously, this is larger than some grapefruits I have eaten. Too bad the flesh is rather mundane. It's not terrible... it's just kind of bland. I would buy this if I was cooking and needed a LOT of apple to make something but didn't want to pare more than one. Or maybe I could make an apple-o-lantern out of it...
(or...) Biggest apples ever! I swear, James could move out of the giant peach and live here with more room. It's almost absurd how big this apple is. Too bad the apple is kind of bland, with a wax-paper like skin. Still, there's enough sweetness here to enjoy eating all around the outside, then throwing away the remaining three-and-a-half pounds of uneaten apple.

Fuji (8 out of 10)
These can last in a refrigerator for a year! Or rather, they don’t, at least not in my refrigerator. They are on the smallish side, perfect for a snack.

Gala (7 out of 10)
One review said these were the best apples in the world. Other reviews disagreed. Can you believe there is a competitive world of apple reviewers? There is. My two cents is that the skin was a bit rough. But the apple part tasted appl-ey, and it should. This is slightly tart, so it would be good cooking or with caramel or by itself. Hot or cold. Any time. And that makes is Pretty Good Apple on my apple reviewing page.

Gingergold (4 out of 10)
I don't want to discriminate against gingers. This is the best green apple I've ever had... though that's a low bar. The taste is surprising - like a solid version of a cider drink. The skin is perfumey, and the meat is overall sour. So it's a *really* weird apple, and that makes it different. Sesame Street taught me that different is good, though is this case it's just mediocre

Gold Rush (6 out of 10)
Mmm, this is the definition of crisp. A tiny apple, but incredibly dense. And the taste is like cider, but in a good way. I don’t think I could eat two of these apples, and as I said… it’s just begging to be turned into alcohol. Slightly sweet, with a rough outer skin, which was a bummer. But the skin was pretty and yellow with slight touched of red, so a painter would probably love this apple a lot. This is a sometimes food.

Golden Delicious (6 out of 10)
I have a bias against green apples. They look unripe. Apples should be a a vibrant red color. That's why they call it "apple red". They don't call it "apple green". But as far as green apples go. Bobby Russell even wrote a song about how the Devil created "little green apples in Indianapolis in the summertime". It's just wrong. But as far as satan's orchard goes, the Golden Delicious is pretty good. It's just too bad it's going to hell.

Golden Supreme (3 out of 10)
I don't know why I keep trying with the green apples. There isn't any "there" there. There, see? Their "their" isn't anywhere. It's just... dare I pare a rare share? I barely care. Beware.

Granny Smith (3 out of 10)
This is a green apple. This is the eiptome of green apples. If you looked in a dictionary for green apples, this would be the apple. Did I mention it's really green? And tart. Tart and green, with a hard skin. I am not a particular fan of green apples.

Honeycrisp (4 out of 10)
This is a HUGE apple. It feels like a genetic mutant. It’s tasty - crunchy and sweet, sure. But it’s almost too much of a meal. I almost want to eat half and save half for later. Unfortunately, after the thick tough flesh is gone, near the core is kind of relentless and bitter. But hey! You get a lot of apple!

Jersey Mac (5 out of 10)
Jerseymao? Jerseymade? Not sure what the name if this apple is. I bought it at a local farmers market, and I DID feel virtous buying it as part of the locally sourced (scam) I mean movement. But the skin was really tough and the the flesh mealy and soft. And I didn't do the apple justice by bruising it before eating. Or maybe the apple just bruises easily so it's not my fault, in which case screw you apple. But then sometimes I would get a great taste of some flavor, like soda pop and realize it's a pretty good apple after all.

Jonafree (2 out of 10)
Tiny little specimen, more of a crabapple than a real apple, about two inches in diameter. This was an organic apple from a farmer's market, so who knows? Really sweet but kind of soft with huge bruises since the flesh was so soft. Poor little apple. Not sure if the name "Jonafree" is a real thing or something the vendor made up.

Jonagold (7 out of 10)
This is a huge apple. A lot of a good thing. maybe too much?

Jonathan (6 out of 10)
Really good. Shame I don’t remember anything more about this apple. It was kind of small, kind of tart.

Liberty (6 out of 10)
I bought this one from an organic farmer at the greenmarket, and it was a REALLY rusticv apple. Spotty and small. But I am not sure if that was the way the apple is usually grown ("usually" means with delicious delicious pesticides to make it bigger and less worm-ridden). So I can't hold it against this apple if it was weird-looking. Crisp and ok-flavored, I'll let this one slide.

Mccowan (Macoun) (5 out of 10)
C'mon apple... which name is it? You can't have two. This one tasted ok... kind of sweet but it could have been sweeter. Kind of had a crunch, but it could be crunchier. Maybe you should figure out your identity crisis, apple, and get back to me when you figure out what you are.

McIntosh (8 out of 10)
I like the computer but I *love* the apple. They look nothing like the famous icon with the bite out of one side - instead they are very round and beautifully streaked.

Mollies Delicious (2 out of 10)
I hope Mollie is delicious, because this apple sure isn't. It's INCREDIBLY small, about this size of an apricot. And the flesh is maybe the softest I've ever eaten. The skin is hard, which is the only thing stopping it from bruising. A terrible combination.

Opalescent (1 out of 10)
First of all, I hate the name. This apple wasn't "opalescent" as much as it was covered in spots. And then to bite into it, the flavor was like drinking water in another city. You how some tap water just tastes wrong? That's what this apple was like.

Pacific Rose (6 out of 10)
Remember when I keep complaining about bitter skins..bout tought apples where the bitter outside is the worst part? Well, for this apple, that's the BEST part. But don't celebrate just yet. Sure, biting into this apple yields a bunch of complexe flavors - sweet, crisp, "perfumey" - but the inner white meat is really bland. Like white toast bland. And this is a HUGE apple! So you get a lot of the boring watery center. But at least it's interesting.

Paula Red (4 out of 10)
High Hopes, but no. Resilient skin, not much flavor to the meat, and the apple was small. Plus I kept thinking about Paula Deen and that ruined it for me. You let me down, apple.

Pazazz (6 out of 10)
This is a beautiful apple. I could look at it all day. It's huge, with a lustrous red color. Unfortunately, it's a little bitter and bland at the same time. "Blatter", or maybe "bittand". Unlike some apples that I hope never end, this one felt like work. Sure, it's an apple, but by looking at it (and reading it's fun name!), I was expecting so much more. Looks are deceiving.

Piñata (8 out of 10)
Just about perfect. Pretty skin, sweet taste, and crisp. Maybe the only think I could say is that it’s maybe TOO rustic and rough.

Pink Lady (7 out of 10)
Shiny, really shiny. Like someone poured cleaner all over it. And this being New York City, they might have. But it's a good 'un, a tasty white underneath that reminded me of hard cider. Real crunchy. Not my favorite skin, and I still hope that wasn't cleanser I ate.

Rave (6 out if 10
This is a huge apple. Which is an ok thing... it would be a good thing if this was a good apple. But instead the flavor was tart with only a shade of sweet, and a boring nondescript skin. Maybe this apple is good for horses. I bet they would love it.

Red Delicious (3 out of 10)
Beautiful apple - almost the picture-perfect example of something on the teacher’s desk. Unfortunately, it also has a very thick skin and is pretty tasteless. Blame it on Washington state; 75% of their apples in the 80s were Red Delicious, bred for appearance instead of flavor. In 2000 there was a crash when consumers got tired of the things, and congress approved a 750 million buyout… now the variety is half as popular as what is once was. I still kind of like it - it’s sweet and often not mealy (though I hear it’s hard to cook with). But at least to me it’s an apple, not an overgrown crabapple like some on this list.

Red Roma (1 out of 10)
Is this the same apple as the "Red Romes" below? Because it's even worse. Both the times I bought this apple, it rotted within two days. But that doesn't mean it's a soft apple - it's actually kind of crunchy below the first half inch of mush. This apple has a tough bitter skin, but that doesn't seem to prevent it getting bruised easily. This is a huge apple, and hugely disappointing.

Red Romes (2 out of 10)
Are all apples with the word "red" in their name terrible? This one is. It's soft and mushy, with a REALLY hard bitter skin. I couldn't think up a worse combination, although it is pretty to look at.

Redfree (4 out of 10)
Another "free" named apple. Is this a libertarian thing? Or does it denote non-GMO? This apple was soft, and I usually hate that. And yet... there was a fun flavor I had never tasted before. Like soda pop. Pretty green-and-yellow-and-red coloring, too.

Rhode Island Greening (6 out of 10)
I do not like green apples. That fact is known by thousands and thousands of people (or at least... the people who have read this far in the list. However, if you are going to eat a green apple, make it this one. It's a very rustic tiny fruit with a sandpapery skin, tart and sour. But it's so iconic, such a great representative of what it means to be a green apple, that I have to give it props.

Rome (6 out of 10)
Another classic apple... it look like a painting, all red and yellow a green and picturesque. However, like an advertisement, it LIES. The "meat" of this apple was slightly flavorless, the crunch a little soft, everything was missing a little something. It's like this apple was at a low volume, and someone needs to turn it up. So, pretty good, but better looked-at than eaten.

Ruby Frost (2 out of 10)
Ick. Mushy and flavorless. This reminds me why I don’t like fruits and vegetables. This is the kind of apple that sits in a bowl on a counter until it shrivels up and is thrown out. I feel bad at myself for buying this one for two dollars.

Sansa (9 out of 10)
Almost perfect! Sweet like candy. Though I have to eat another one to make sure the first one wasn't a fluke. And then I have to eat another one after that. And then another. This apple would be perfect with carme, too.

Smitten (9 out of 10)
Nice and crisp. Sweet taste without being too sweet. Wonderful coloring. Do I *have* to say something bad about this apple? Is it because I'm a cranky critic by nature and have to find fault with something even though it it close to perfect. Ok... this apple is too small. It's really tiny. I wanted another one after I was done. There, are you happy I found something to criticise?

Spencer (2 out of 10)
Tiny. More green than red. Not much point in this one. Let's pretend this apple never happened.

Sheepsnose (2 out of 10)
What a weird apple. I'm giving it points just for being creative. It's an ugle brown-and-green color with a skin like sandpaper. Seriously, this is a ROUGH apple on the outside. Then the inside is rock-solid, almost difficult to bite into a chew. Never had an apple like that before. The flavor is... meh. Just ok. Maybe this apple is good for feeding sheep, because I'm not going to eat another one.

Snow Sweet (6 out of 10)
Tiny apple. And had three soft spots. So, that's perhaps not the fault of this apple - I probably jostled it around carrying it around back from the farmer's market. So that couldn't help but color my impression of this apple. But I tried hard not to hold it against it. We all are kind of rotten sometimes. A nice pretty color and a great flesh with only a semi-sweet taste. Maybe I'll treat you better next time, Snow Seet. Sorry about that.

Spigold (7 out of 10)
This is a party apple. But that, I mean it's so huge that you have to invite over several friends to help you eat it. Maybe you should segment it and dip the slices in caramel? Or create a nice cheese tray and serve wine? A beautiful light red/green/yellow color and a nice sweet crisp crunch. The skin was boring, and I could use a bit more tang. But maybe what I need are more friends who like apples.

Stayman Winesap (2 out of 10)
Oh man... too bad I can't judge apples solely on looks for this would be a nine. A gorgeous purple color, perfect for painting. Not so good for eating, with a bland-but-bitter flesh and rough skin. But soooo pretty!

Summertreat (3 out of 10)
Not much of a treat. Extremely soft and mushy. Luckily the flavor was great - a sweet melt-in-your-mouth taste. And the color was an almost unreal half-and-half line of color between red and green. But I wish I hadn't bought this one.

SweeTango (3 out of 10)
Really soft. Sure, it was sweet, but the mushy consistency was a turn-off.

Winesap (5 out of 10)
This whole time I've been whining that all the apples I've tried aren't crispy enough. So, can an apple be *too* crispy? Evidently it can. This one is almost solid. And the skin is extremely bitter. But once I got through the skin, the rest of the apple was amazing. A really stunning dark red color, too. But this one just feels like a science experiment gone wrong.

Zestar (4 out of 10)
Great taste! Truly zesty! But also mealy and soft. I wanted to like this apple a lot more. I kept biting into it and thinking, "Surely this is going to get better." But it never did. Maybe the taste would be good in a recipe? Like for cider? Something where the awful texture didn't matter? I'm passing on you, Zestar.

Not reviewed yet (* = want to try a lot)
Arkansas Black
Boskop (Boskoop)
Black Twig
Cox (Cox's Orange Pippin) (best?)
Cripps Pink (is that Pink Lady)?
Egremont Russet

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